Philsak Security Ltd, an international corporation, has been retained by the printer to guard the shop at night to insure that nobody steals early issues of this new 'currency of the realm'.  ($1.50 each) 

We got an exclusive interview with the inscrutable man of mystery -- Philsak.  We asked him to weigh in on the Bag Tag issue in the amalgamated Community of Saugeen Shores and also tell us how he got this security job.

ST:  Philsak, we did not know you were in the security business.  How did this come about?

Philsak:  The Philsak family has been in this business since the late 1700s.  We were trained to guard the crown heads of Europe.  As you know my brother and I had a wonderful relationship with the Czar of Russia prior to his demise.  We were not on duty when he and his lovely family were abducted by a group of riff-raff led by Lenin.

ST.  How did you get this job way up in Grey County?

Philsak:  Tweenie Printing specializes in what they call "Our Creative Side".  They only hire right brained people.  Each employee or contractor undergoes a extensive battery of tests.

When they heard of me, they called me in for an interview.  The owner hired me on the spot because of my unusual right brain attributes.  I was not subjected to the tests.

ST:  Why all the security here and why was Tweenie Printing selected?

Philsak:  Canada has a basic unit of money called the Toonie.  Think of it like a ruble.  Up to June 1, 2008 the next most valuable currency in Canada is the well known Toonie.  After June 1st we will have the Saugeen Shores bag tag ticket known as the Tweenie placing itself square in the middle of the Loonie and Toonie.  It was, therefore, natural to select Tweenie Printing for the job.... understand?

ST:  Yes!  Thanks for the clarification.  What do you think of the bag tag issue?

(next column)

Philsak:  As you may know, I'm an avid currency collector.  I collect both paper and coin money and I'm anxious to get a first issue of the new Tweenie.  I'm hoping for an inadvertent mistake on the first run. This will raise its collector's value tremendously.   I've been assured by local customers that I will not be disappointed.

On the whole idea of bag tags, I have mixed feelings.   As you know I'm not an environmentalist.  My mirror image brother was, bless his soul.

Because our family has always been in the security business, I hope that the Town will hire me to enforce the rules. I'm all law and order.   What I see coming is a black market in bag tags.  I could investigate counterfeiting, for example

I could investigate trading abuses wherein a person buys some goods at the stores in Saugeen Shores and does not get full value for the Tweenie.

Also, I think there will be some citizens who may be tempted to peel a tag off a neighbor's bag or put a tagless bag in front of an unsuspecting neighbor.

I also foresee some people tossing their bags beside the road or in the river.  I can investigate each bag to see if I can determine who owns it. (forensics is my specialty)

I may be asked to fly along ahead of the trucks to heft each bag for being of  legal weight..

ST:  Thank you again for the in-depth interview.  As you know we don't deal in sound bytes at the Saugeen Times.  Do you read the Saugeen Times?

Philsak:  Yes I do and I enjoy it a great deal, but due to the wing on my right side, I am forced to use the mouse left handed.  I'm so right sided, that it is difficult for me.  The buttons are all out of whack in a left-right sense.

ST:  If you are using a PC, Philsak, go to the Start button on the lower left (sorry) and then to Settings followed by Control.  In Control, you can change the mouse settings to make left to right, if you want.  Look for a little Mouse Icon.

Philsak:  Thanks so much.  I'm in your debt.

ST:  Pay in Tweenies.

Philsak:  Right!

(For further background on Philsak see the Philsak Chronicales)