May 8, 2008

Dear Hortense:

I am suspicious of the promotion of John Divinski's new quest for thinness.

Maybe you didn't know but he already went on this diet and lost a lot of weight a few years ago. He gained it all back and then some, so why promote something that does not work long term? It has been proven that it is much harder on a person's body to lose and gain weight over and over again. It is healthier to stay one weight and exercise.

Suspicious

Dear Suspicious

My apologies for not replying sooner but I wanted to look into this further.  You are quite right when you say that the person in the Saugeen times has tried to lose his weight in the past.  I felt that this issue was important enough to delve into it further.

Losing weight for some is an elusive thing (speaking from personal experience) and we all know that we should eat healthy and we should exercise however, oft' times what we know and what we actually do are different.  The Saugeen Times has looked into this particular person's situation and it will, in turn, write an article on the subject.

Thank you for your input and support.
 

April 28, 2008

Dear Hortense,

My son and his wife are after me to sell my home. I'm in good health and enjoy my garden but he keeps telling me that one day I'll be too old to keep up the property and that I should sell now because the market is good.  He also said that, if I do sell, then I can contribute to a down payment on a new home for him and his wife and they will put in a granny suite for me.

They have two children, almost teens, and I'm starting to feel almost guilty about not doing what he says. Do you have any advice?

Feeling Pressured.


Dear Pressured,

Don't be ... pressured that is. You are an adult and it sounds as though you are a healthy one who is independent. I may be wrong but it also sounds to me as though your son's concern is more about acquiring a new home.   I find it interesting too that you consistently refer to your son and his wife, instead of your son and daughter-in-law. If there is any tension there between you, it will only get worse if you live under the same roof, granny suite or not.

I suggest you tell your son that you will sell when you are ready and that you're not ready yet, but when you are, he'll be the first to know.  In the meantime, enjoy your garden, your good health and, above all, your indepedence.
You will know when the time is right to make a decision, don't let anyone coerce you.

Dear Hortense,

I am conflicted between supporting the beach carnival for the money it raises for service groups and opposing it because it encourages children to gamble.

Is it ok to let children gamble to raise money for service clubs? Is there a difference whether they go to the beach and gamble money or go to a casino and gamble money? The consensus in town seems to be that it is ok, maybe the group that complained are afraid to come forward because of all the negative publicity against them.

Signed
Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,

An interesting dilemma and one which, I am sure, place people on both sides of the fence as well as straddling it.

Hortense's opinion?  I think children have to be taught the difference between right and wrong but I don't think we give them enough credit that, perhaps, they already understand the difference.

Is it wrong to gamble for gambling's sake?  Yes.  Is it wrong to contribute money through a fun activity such as a 'cake wheel', where the money goes to a good cause in helping others?  I think not.

Many parents, in fact, become involved in organizing and working at these types of events and the children see, and recognize that, as parent participation in helping others.

There have been hundreds, if not thousands, of children who have taken part in such games, on beaches on a summer's evening, for decades.  Have they all turned in to hard-core gamblers as adults?  I don't believe so.

Is everything black or white? No.   Are we losing all sense of reasoning? ... Perhaps.

__________________

Dear Hortense:

I just discovered the Saugeen Times and your advice page.

This is not earth shattering but I do have a question I thought you might be able to help with.

My husband's mother drops in at any time without letting me know. While I love her dearly, there are times when I am doing other things or am just on my way out and really don't have time to spend talking. Also, she has been dropping broad hints about the possibility of moving in with us. We have two young children and I don't know that I could cope with her 'advice' on a daily basis. Is there any way I can diplomatically get all this across? I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Frustrated.

Dear Frustrated:

She is your mother-in-law and as they say when they read you your rights, "anything you say can and may be used against you". You have to discuss this with your husband. It's up to him to deal with his mother.

I would play devil's advocate here however. You don't say if your husband is her only child and your children her only grandchildren. If this is the case, remember patience is indeed a virtue. Many grandchildren don't have a grandmother or at least one who can be part of their lives. Consider all aspects but don't make any hasty decisions. Let me know what happens.

__________________

Dear Hortense,

I have a neighbour who is unbelievably cruel to his dog. The entire street has signed a petition to the police and the local humane society has been called many times. Everyone says they can do nothing about it.

The dog appears to be wasting away and when outside all he does is cry. What can we do?

Animal lover

Dear Animal lover,

I suggest you call your Member of Parliament. Unfortunately, the laws regarding pet ownership in many provinces of Canada are draconian to say the least. It must be difficult but I recommend you keep on calling the officials at every opportunity. No one has the right to interfere or destroy the lifestyle of another.

Click on All Ads for More Information

.

Sale at Designing Women

When you are invited to a wedding and asked not to give a gift, do you still give some little thing? I don't feel right about going to a wedding, particularly since the bride is the daughter of a close friend of ours, and not giving something in the nature of a gift.

Reluctant Guest

Dear Reluctant,

You cannot go against the wishes of the bride and her family. Perhaps, she already has everything she needs or simply doesn't want to receive gifts she will never use. If you feel that strongly about it, why not ask if you can contribute to a charity in the name of the bride and groom. That way everybody wins.

Dear Hortense,

My son plays hockey on a team where the coach encourages very aggressive play and I really don't like it. He also continually tells the boys what they are doing wrong but seldom praises them for anything they do right. I am now at the point where I don't even want to go to any of the games but feel I should just to keep an eye on my son. I haven't talked to any other parents about this as I don't want them to think I'm one of those interfering mothers who coddles her son. Any suggestions?

Hockey Mom

Dear  Mom,

You don't say how old this group of boys is but I'm assuming because you take him to games that they are still quite young. I definitely would talk to some of the other parents. Maybe they feel like you do but nobody wants to say anything. In most sports, there is defense and offense but if the coach is teaching them to be inappropriately aggressive, then you are right to be concerned. Do not however give up going to the games. It's important you be there to support your son. Also, have you talked to him about this and gotten his feelings about his coach? Do it if you haven't