Pete's Patter

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 THE KILLER MOOSE   

Two guys went to the Pub

Owned by Moose and his brother

The beer was delicious

They decided to have another

Big Moose was the barman

The place was almost full

Filling glasses with draught

As fast as he could pull 

The strangers gazed around

Saw the moose head on the wall

What a magnificent beast they thought

Must have been twelve feet tall

Antlers ten feet wide

Gleaming in the light

Menacing eyes glared down

As if it was ready to fight

Big Moose ambled over

They ordered a couple more beers

Who shot the moose? asked one

Big Moose burst into tears

Sniffled into a tissue

That dumb moose killed my brother

I shot it twenty years ago

We were hunting with each other

 We were always very close

Bought this bar together

Always fished and hunted

In any kind of weather

Please forgive my outburst

He trembled as he spoke

I always blame myself

His voice began to choke

I found the giant footprints

Laughed at all his fears

 I knew it was the biggest moose

Canada's seen in years

 He stared into the distance

His voice just trailed away

One of the strangers sez

I'd just like to say

 We can see you loved your brother

 But twenty years ago?

You shouldn't still be grieving 

Big Moose sobbed, I know

But this would’a been his shift

I'd be home in bed

But this afternoon it fell off the wall

And landed on his head

THE QUIET KID

The Moose kid walking,  at one year old

Dolly and Moose would say

To anyone who would listen

Anytime night or day

Talking was another thing

Word soon got around

That baby Moose, now five years old

Had never uttered a sound

Happy as the day is long

Like other girls and boys

The only apparent difference

He never made any noise

Specialists couldn't figure it

The Moose kid was so quiet

His parents went holistic

Put him on a diet

Fed him mounds of carrots

He pecked them like a bird

Never the less he ate five tons

But didn't say a word

Nothing seemed to work

Moose and Dolly, all forlorn

The kid hadn't said a word

Since the day that he was born

One evening at the table

Big Moose had finished grace

Kid sez, I'd like sprouts please

Just for a change of pace

Dolly was so surprised

She dropped the carrots on the floor

You actually spoke, she yelled

You never did that before

The kid sez, Know what mom?

 I shouldn't have to speak

But I'm getting sick of carrots 

Had 'em ten times this week

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Wednesday, July 28, 2010