Technology

Esau Thistle

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Is it an illusion or has phone communication become more difficult with all the new technology and the way we use it?  Yes, we all get the dropped calls and cell phone frustrations.  But how about just dealing with the technology of the way phones are used by business?  Is it a big conspiracy?  Here is an example

I got a big package in the mail.  It cost $5.05 to ship and contained a big thick manual contained in another envelope.  You know the kind. They are white and official looking with glue that makes it impossible to chew your way into them.  The manual encased in its own envelope had my name on it, but the wrong address.  To summarize:   Big envelope contains slightly smaller big envelope.  Outer one has the right address and the inner the wrong address.

A letter informed me that the post office had returned the package to the sender because it was not my address.  The letter asked me to call an 800 number and get the address change made.  What puzzled me was that the letter reached me at the proper address and the big envelope contained the proper address.

Let me see... you mean you sent the original to the wrong address, but to notify me, you send it to the right address and ask me to call and clear things up?

Oh well, it's just a phone call.  I make it and get the usual answering list of press 1, if you are from mars, press 2, if you are delinquent on your bill, press 3, if you suffer from hearing loss, press 4, if you have time on your hands and press 5 for anything else and one of our agents will help you.  Please be patient, they may be serving other customers (or on coffee break).

Since I have an address problem, I press 5.  That takes me back to the above press 1 list.  In other words, I'm caught in a loop.  I try the entire thing 3 times to no avail.  Ah, I'll try typing 'O'.  That sometimes works, even if it was not on the list.  Sorry, it continues to loop.

Now this is getting to be a real challenge.  I try a new dial completely.  I get the same result.  I'm caught in a death loop.

Ok, you want to play games?  I'll tell you what, it's your nickel.  I'll just not type anything.  See how you like that!. A miracle occurs, typing nothing works and I get a human being.   She'll understand.

As an opening gambit (poorly chosen), I tell her that their phone system is not working.  She says "Oh really?"  I'm not making a hit.  She clearly does not believe me.

I proceed to try to tell her my problem.  She interrupts.  She wants my particulars.  Ok, I'll prove that I am who I say I am.  I can see your company is a bit conservative.

First my full name.  Then she wants my customer number.  That should do it, I think.  No, she wants another number that may appear on a card that I have to fumble around to find.  Since the numbers are not just a numbers, but have a lot of X, Y's and Z's in them she must repeat back to me what I said.  Ok, that's fair, now we can get down to business.  I passed the number test.  Nope, she wants my date of birth.  I give it to her.  She never asks for my address.  It does not seem important to her.

I try to explain my problem or their problem really.  She simply does not understand.  I give her the two addresses and she says "One moment please".  After 50 moments she comes back saying that she has my address in two places, both the same.

I quiz her on what that address is.  "Don't keep it a secret", I say.  She is reluctant to repeat my real address  Once revealed, I try to tell her that her company's letter to me reached the right address and the enclosed giant manual was addressed to the wrong address.

Does she understand the irony of it all?  You contact me at the right address telling me to give you the right address so you can correct your records, which in fact are correct in the first place.  I feel I've slipped into defensive mode.  I'm defending my own address.

I ask her, if she understands.  In fact I insist on her telling me yes or no.  She does not respond.  There is a long pause.  Finally, she says"  "Can I help you with anything else?"  What could I say?  I found the words "Not likely!"  Can I transfer you to another division?" "What good would that do?  Your division wrote the letter and is paying for the ill-spent postage."  She insists that she can transfer me.  I give in and she does, but they don't answer the phone.

So, the end result is that a manual will always have a journey perilous with red stamps on it saying "Not at this address!"  It will get to me, but will be almost a year old when it does and will be shipped finally to the right address.   I don't care, I will just replace the old one with the travel worn 'new' one.  I don't even try to open the final envelope anyway.

You  know how they sometimes say "We may monitor this call to insure your satisfaction."  Hmmm, not likely.

Has anyone ever seen the British comedy duo  "The Two Ronnies"?  They could have done wonders with this script.  Catch them on YouTube.  For a sample, see below;

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Sunday, October 23, 2011